July Is The Cruelest Month

I've just come through what has been the darkest July I've ever had. (I'm sure there may have been darker times in my life, but this is the most recent, most painful one so let's leave it at that.) There wasn't any one thing that I can put my finger on and say, "This is it, that's what's causing all of this crap!"  No, just a general feeling of sadness, and failure, and even loss of faith in the path I'm on. Good god. Or maybe not good god. Art sales have been slow, and I haven't had any 'mailbox money' in a while. I'm not destitute yet, but have been feeling like something must change, and soon.  Last night I was even searching want ads to see if any jobs were out there for this 58 year old broke down woman contractor/artist without a college degree. Wah-- Poor me....right? Well, this morning I woke up and took a little ride on my bicycle and thought some things through. (it was a beautiful ride) I'm closer to having a plan of positive action now. I'm sure I'll keep all and any of you folks who read this blog posted, because I'm a sharing kind of gal. The last few months I had pretty much given up and had been feeling discouraged about my path. This is interesting because during that time I've also finished up the Cat Scratchin' book and sent it off to the designer, and had a successful little poster project fund on kickstarter. Go figure. None of that seemed to matter when I was feeling lowest. That's how it works I guess, the spiral down into that dimly lit cellar of hopelessness. Don't worry, I'm on my way back up now. I guess I had to fall down and get scuffed up a bit so I would figure out a different way to achieve the things I wish to do. Ultimately what I realized was that I could get a regular 'day job' (or two or three) and hate every minute of it, or do what it is I feel I'm meant to do and just love doing it, most of the time. I'm choosing love. It's going to be a little more work, but I'm pretty sure it's worth it. And I've been doing it for the past twelve years so why give up now?
The above photo is a fabulous mixed media sculpture (reflective traffic/construction materials etc...) hanging on the wall at the Hive restaurant at the 21C Museum Hotel in Bentonville, Arkansas. I went there last week and had lunch with a good friend and then we went on to Crystal Bridges to see the Angels and Tomboys exhibit. The food was good. The exhibit was ok, I wish there would've been more Tomboys, but that's just me. I thought it was kind of a weak show. (Great classical paintings, but give me 20th and 21st Century art any day of the week and I'm happy.)
Ok, here's my message for today; Don't give up...just don't.